Earlier this summer, we made it official by tying the knot, and today marks five soul-healing years since the day we first met. To commemorate, I’m sharing the story of how it all began…
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard, “I can’t wait to find my Matt!” which is usually followed by, “How do I find him?” If I had the answer, I would write that book and make billions, so instead, I will share how it happened for us. While there’s no magic potion for finding the love of your life, I do believe a little magic was involved.
There were so many specific details that had to align just right for us to meet that it feels like divine intervention is the only explanation for how we ended up here.
It was late summer of 2019, marking the end of my first year as a divorcee—aka, the year I got my groove back. After what I’d been through, love and relationships were the last thing on my mind. But I refused to let that relationship define me. No one would’ve blamed me for giving up on love or even on myself after that breakup. If I’d developed a drinking problem or gained 200 pounds, I’m sure I’d have been met with concern and empathy, but could anyone really blame me?
However, I chose to rewrite my narrative. My ex had already taken up enough of my time—four years, to be exact. I wasn’t going to give him any more, and shutting down and continuing to shrink after the divorce would’ve just been more wasted time.
So, instead of sulking, I gave up carbs, attended a life-changing seminar (a story for another time), and got on ALL the dating apps. While it might seem silly that there are so many apps when you only see the same people on each one, sometimes you need more than one fishing pole to catch dinner from the same pond.
I’d had plenty of "fish fries" that summer, and I wasn’t just tired of fishing—I was tired of fish. People love to romanticize online dating like it’s as easy as ordering pizza. But if I want pizza, I log in, pick my toppings, and 20 minutes later, it’s at my door. Simple.
Online dating? It highlights the boring and frustrating aspects of fishing. You chat with several people simultaneously, each with the same stock conversations, hoping to hook just one. But even if you do, getting them "in the boat" is still uncertain. It’s time-consuming and can leave you empty-handed after hours of effort. If you’ve ever lived with a fisherman, you know how grumpy they are when they come home without a catch. At least when I order pizza, that never happens—unless my credit card is declined!
Your whole evening becomes a string of dead-end conversations, with you half-watching TV or pretending you’re going to get anything done with your night. You invest so much time that as the evening starts to expire, panic sets in and it feels like last call at the bar and you want to find someone before the lights go up—standards drop, and suddenly, even the weirdest options seem plausible. Still think online dating is sexy? I’ll share the ghost stories and creeps for a Halloween post.
By late September, I’d had enough. I told my friend Bradley I was taking a moratorium from dating apps—at least through the end of the year. I was wasting too much time that I was supposed to be spending on myself, and losing any integrity I had left.
But you know what “they” say—you’ll finally meet someone when you stop looking for them…
On October 2, 2019, with my bosses out of town, I spent the day taking their three cars to a car wash in Hollywood (location’s important here). After four hours of driving back and forth and sitting for mind-numbing periods, boredom had set in and Candy Crush was costing me too much money (don’t act like you never paid). That’s when my phone pinged unexpectedly—a fish on the hook, despite my line not even being in the water. His profile broke all my rules—no photo, no bio, just a vague handle: LonelyWeHo. Normally, I’d block him without hesitation, but his initial message was charming, and let’s be honest, I was booooored.
I asked for photos and stats to confirm he was real, and to my surprise, he was cute. There’s usually a reason for all the mystery, but this time it had nothing to do with looks. Probably married, but who cares? I thought I’d just chat to pass the time. So, I asked, “Why so lonely?”
“Do you want the real story or the made-up version?”
“Both.”
“After my ex and I broke up, I moved to an 18-acre property that once housed a wildlife park. Though it’s been closed for years, it’s still home to many animals that I now care for with a small staff. I opened my checkbook and started renovating the zoo with hopes of reopening it, but despite the busy work, it feels isolated and lonely.” Weird Matt Damon pull, but witty and enchanting.
“And the other one?”
“My ex and I recently went through a bad breakup.”
You’d think I’d have learned my lesson about red flags and wished him well as I deleted my app, but nope—I launched right into very unsexy therapist mode. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, then casually mentioned my divorce (just to establish my “expertise”) and asked, “Have you been with anyone since?” He lied and said no, but as the sage expert on breakups, I was too focused on advising to question it. “Well, the first few times will feel awkward, but by the fourth, you’ll forget all about him and be well on your way to putting it all behind you.”
Then, he smoothly hit me with, “Would you like to come over and be times one through four?”
My inner voice channeled Blanche Devereaux as I clutched my imaginary pearls: “Why, I never! How charmed I am!”
I have yet another rule that I completely blew by: if someone asks to cuddle, I usually gag and block them. What? It’s a cutthroat world out there and I have some self-respect! Don’t get me wrong—I love cuddling with my husband, but I’m not about to endure LA traffic and hunt for parking just to hold a stranger while they sleep on me. But this guy was charming and affable, so when he asked, “Any chance you’d like to come over and just cuddle?” I ignored that rule and responded, “Does that include making out?” He said, “Of course.”
At that point, I thought, what rules?
Suffice it to say, I made plans to stop by and meet him during a small window after work, right before heading to an event. My expectations were extremely low—I was mostly going out of curiosity. When I arrived, I discovered he was staying at a friend’s house on a futon. Yes. Futon. Not a typo. 2019. Futon. But to his credit, it was just two days until he got the keys to his new apartment (and yes, his breakup was that fresh). Do we have a red flag tally yet? Futon, fresh out of a relationship, and cuddling should certainly count as extra!
If you’ve ever had the good fortune to meet him, you know just how sweet and kind he is. That sweetness has been on full display from the moment we met, and he’s proven it time and time again. You’ve probably heard people say that when you meet the right one, you’ll ‘just know.’ I never understood that—it always sounded like a fairytale cliché. But I can still pinpoint the exact moment I realized I was ready to explore if there was something more between us than just two guys chatting on a futon about Scarlett Johansson’s lesser-known credits.
I initially brushed off the whole situation as a casual Wednesday afternoon until he surprised me by saying, “You are so much more handsome than your photos.” Let me be clear: if Brad Pitt were on a dating app, he’d use the best photos, angles, and lighting, and probably a bit of Facetune. Even then, he wouldn’t hear, “You look more handsome than your photos.” But when Matt said it, I felt it like that spark you get when you drag your feet across the living room carpet and then touch a doorknob. Later that night, when he called me again, all the rules changed.
I wish I could say our journey was a rom-com montage filled with travel, jumping from hot air balloons, bubble baths, and crazy amounts of confetti (and it kind of looks that way on my Instagram), but it wasn’t. There are plenty of stories that contradict that notion. However, I can assure you that our bond was solid from day one and has never wavered. From the beginning, we knew we were on the same team and we were in alignment in how we’d like to move through life. The hardest part was learning each other’s quirks, but with a little time and grace, even that became easy to navigate.
As for that magic and divine intervention I mentioned? I lived in the Valley but worked in Beverly Hills, and I just happened to be in Hollywood for the car wash. Cher may have said everything in L.A. takes 20 minutes in Clueless, but she was lying. Everything takes forever, and you never go further than necessary. Matt had built his life below LAX and was only in Hollywood for a few days waiting for his new apartment to be ready. The universe, with a lot of help from GPS, had to align precisely for us to connect that fateful afternoon; two days later, he would have returned to his South Bay existence, and I would have continued as-if-ing and whatever-ing my way through the Valley.
And that old saying about finding love when you stop looking? I really had stopped—not in a 'woe-is-me' way, but because I was focused on building a stronger relationship with myself. Then one uneventful day at the car wash, the universe pinged my phone, and my fishing rod started to bend. Four years and nine months later, I married that once lonely guy from the futon—the one who cares for me better than I ever knew possible and who continuously encourages me to deepen my relationship with myself. That, in itself, is pretty magical. Plus, I’ve always hated fishing, so I’m thrilled to have finally retired my fishing gear!
When we eventually bought our first home together, we fittingly named it The Zoo. So now, when people ask how we met, we just smile and say, ‘We bought a zoo.’
Sometimes the universe just conspires for our best life. After a painful divorce myself, I wrote down the manifestation of my perfect man. Two weeks later, I woke up and saw his face, he lived in another state, but we had gone to high school together, so I took a chance and reached out and told him that. Turns out I was the one that got away, and the rest is history ❤️
…and the rest is history! So glad you’re a rule-breaker! Matt, you are smooooooth! 🤪🥰